I had told my parents that we would come right there after our appointment to show them the sonogram. Great. I text my dad to let him know we are on the way.. I think he knew something was wrong. We get to their house and tell them.. we all cry and say that we hope for the best. Deep down, I know it’s over. I don’t really know why I thought that, but I just did. It didn’t feel right any more. I didn’t want to see one thing baby related. I couldn’t take it. We cry with Mom and Dad, then we leave to head home.

My friends are waiting to hear from me.. so what am I supposed to say?! This is why people don’t tell people before their appointment. I so get it now. It’s so exciting and fun to tell them in our own little ways… but un-telling people. Telling them the worst news you could hear when you’re pregnant.. it’s just too hard to repeat over and over.

I tell them, we all cry on the phone.. and say the expected “there’s a mistake..it’s still growing..”, but I know better. My husband and I finally have a second to ourselves and we just hug and cry. And when I say cry, I mean sob. I’ve never cried so hard in my life.. I’m practically screaming. It feels like someone has ripped out my heart with their hand and crushed it to dust.

I get a call later in the afternoon of the day of our appointment telling me that I have A- blood type. My husband has A+ blood type.. apparently they aren’t friends and they do not get along. The nurse that called nonchalantly tells me that if I start bleeding over the weekend, to go straight to the hospital because if our blood mixes, it could be really bad if I haven’t had a rhogam shot. Even better news. Great.

Did I mention that we were supposed to be leaving to go out of town that night? We were going to visit some friends in Northern Virginia… but I wasn’t sure I was feeling up to it. In the same breath, I didn’t want to sit around all weekend and do nothing. I couldn’t mope and cry all weekend. And I certainly didn’t want to be in this house.

We go on the trip and just waiting to start miscarrying. It never happened. I kept trying to make myself think positively, which is very hard for me, in general.

The week finally goes by, we barely slept, we cried every day.. it was terrible. But now, as we walk to the waiting area… we know we’re finally going to get an answer.


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